If you really want to forgive a person who hurt before you can do this .
1.Make a list of people who have hurt you deeply.The criteria for selection is that you need to work hard to forgive them. You can ask yourself, from 1 to 10, how much harm did I get because of this person? 1 is the least severe (but still serious enough to be forgiven), and 10 is the most severe. Order these people according to this, and we start with the one with the least degree.
2.Recall what this person did to you. Ask yourself: What negative impact did this person’s actions have on my life? It can be considered from both physical and psychological harm. Recall whether your perception of the humanity and trust of others has changed because of this incident. In this process, allow yourself to feel negative emotions when recalling.
3.When you are ready, make a decision to forgive. This decision means to be kind to the person who has hurt you. When we give this kind of kindness, we are deliberately reducing our resentment towards this person and replacing it with tolerance, kindness, respect, and even love. The important point is that forgiveness does not mean making excuses for what the person has done or neglecting fairness and justice. Justice and forgiveness can happen at the same time. Another point is that forgiveness and reconciliation are also very different. Reconciliation is based on the mutual trust of two or more people and is a negotiation strategy. When you forgive someone, you can choose not to reconcile with them.
4.Start cognitive exercises. Ask yourself the following questions about this person: What is the environment in which he grew up? What kind of harm might he have received from others that made him more likely to harm you? Is he experiencing any extra stress when he hurts you? These questions are not to tolerate what he does or make excuses for, but to better understand the person’s pain and understand what makes him vulnerable. Understanding the reasons for other people’s destructive behavior can help us better prevent the same thing from happening again.